What I Was Feeling When I Hit Myrtle Wilson With Gatsby's Car

 I am so upset over all the unpleasantness I’m feeling from last night.  I just keep crying and I can’t think straight.  I thought I was in love with Jay Gatsby, but now I’m not sure.  My feelings are all mixed up and confused.  Tom knows about me and Jay, but I’m sure it will be alright.  He wants things to be settled and pleasant between us again.  I feel like that is best for me too.  It made me so angry when Tom was with other women.  Now he knows how it feels, and I’m glad.   I am sick thinking about giving up the wealth and comforts that life with Tom gives me.  I feel silly and foolish that I ever thought of leaving Tom for Jay.  I love Tom’s money and the respect everyone has for his family.  I cannot bear having our friends look down on me or talking behind my back about illegal things Jay has done to make his money.  I couldn't bear to be cut off from the social life that I enjoy.  Then on top of all these worries I have, on the way back from New York last night I hit a woman with Jay’s car.  She just ran out in front of the car, and there wasn't anything I could do.  She was in the way, and I was feeling so upset that the car just smashed into her.  It made me feel worse than I was already feeling, so I didn't even stop to see if she was alright.  She must live in the valley of ashes, so she isn't anyone I know or anyone very important.  Jay’s going to tell people he was driving, so I don’t have to worry about anyone finding out it was me. The whole situation will go away or Tom can pay some people to make things better.  I need to believe that it will all work out fine or I will just sit here all day and cry.  Tom and Jay will take care of me so I will try to settle myself and stop worrying.